My maternal grandmother and I are exactly 50 years apart. Oddly, we both lost our sight at about the same time but from different diseases: hers, macular degeneration; mine, Leber’s Hereditary Optic Neuropathy. Another oddity is that the two visual maladies affect our vision in similar ways—the central vision is destroyed, leaving only peripheral vision. My peripheral vision is much less functional than my grandmother’s leaving me legally blind. I’m young, she’s old. But we both feel exactly the same when it comes to the one thing we absolutely miss more than anything else about life: the independence afforded by driving a car. I gave it up a few weeks after LHON struck at age 28. The day my car drove out the driveway, purchased by a stranger, knowing I’d never drive again, was one of the worst days of my life. My grandmother, on the other hand, continued to endanger herself and others by driving her car “where there’s not much traffic” or “when there’s lots of daylight”. She simply couldn’t let go of her independence, no matter the risk. She’s 88, now, and has finally given up the keys. Long overdue. Was it easier to let go because I was young? Surely not. In my dreams at night I’m still driving, longing for that freedom of self. In my dreams at night I can see, too, and I take it as a sign that before I’m 88, like my grandmother, I’ll be rewarded for my diligence and obedience and someday really see and drive away down a long road to somewhere in my own car.
#driving #LHON #lebershereditaryopticneuropathy #maculardegeneration
